Patricia's Site

It’s not been my week. First DS#2 wrecked the car. One car accident no one hurt. The car was totaled.

When Bob died I signed over the car to him because I don’t drive and I needed something I could ride in to go to the store and other places.

Well that is gone so I am stuck unless some one is available to take me. Everyone lives so far away I hate to ask.

I asked my brother to take me to Walmart for my monthly shopping. We had it set for Thursday. His wife forgot and went off in the van. I have a difficult time getting into their small car. So we changed it to Friday.

 I made dinner Thursday and got my food. I left DS#2’s sausage patty in the skillet. Forgot to turn the burner off. Sausage went up in flames. Had a lid on the skillet so it didn’t spread beyond the pan. House filled with smoke, Mommy kitty took the babies to the basement. Smoke alarm battery was dead. I checked it in March and the alarm sounded. Might have been the last of the charge.

Got my shopping done Friday. Had to bring everything up the basement stairs as my brother was afraid he would get stuck in the back yard. It had rained over two inches Thursday night. So it was muddy. Oh for those of you who don’t know I have a raised ranch and the garage is in the basement.

Anyway things should look up now as my three bad things happened all at once.

No one was hurt, the house didn’t burn down, I have food and I bought Tina’s new book.

This week my brother will have his fourteenth birthday. He will be fifty-six years old. Yep he was born on Feb. twenty-ninth.

Over the years we have had a special party on his real birthday. We have not done it lately as we grow older it is not as important as it was when we were younger.

Every year we wish him a Happy Birthday. We always figured his birthday was that instance between eleven fifty-nine on Feb twenty-eighth and midnight March first.

Some people who have been born on the twenty-ninth have taken March first as their birthday. I rather like the idea of having such a unique day as ones birthday and so does he. So …..

I had my heart ripped out and kicked around by pointy toed shoes today.

I hope it was not intentional. I got a valentine card and that was the last thing I needed. I was doing fine I survived our anniversary. I just thought of the good things and didn’t cry. It was a little harder when the third month anniversary of Bob’s death came up two days latter but still not a hurtful as I thought it would be. The pain had started to fade to a bearable level.

Then today I get this horribly hurtful cruel card. I hope I never have to say anything to this person in person because even though she is my pastors wife I will tell her how cruel it was.

I throw the card away even though I wanted to send it back to her telling her how awful it was. I hope I will get over it faster by not taking the low road.

So remember this in the future . Don’t cause pain by doing something stupid while trying to be nice.

Harlequin has changed its site again. It is suppose to make socializing easier .HUH It makes it harder.

I did not like the last change scattering things all over the place but they did do some centralizing on that.

Now you have a blog like home page and a friends list and other things that are not necessary

They have also used a faded color for there default. Ugh. So hard to see. I get eyestrain every time I read there.

Instead of a nice easy to use side bar listing all boards, you have to go to forums then click on the place you want to be. You are not there yet Oh no. you have sub boards to click on. Then if you are lucky you can find what you want.

You also get a lot of useless info like who was the last person to post in that sub board. WHO CARES!!!!

I don’t need to know who last posted. If I want to go read a thread I go. I want to read all comments not just the ones by certain people and I don’t care who posts on threads I don’t hang out in.

I’m an adult not a teenager that gets hurt if my friends hang out with people other then me.

I will not fill out my profile page nor use anyother feature on that page except the one to post my avatar picture.

I use my browser bookmark. Still have to go to that disgusting home page even though it is not a book mark. After I am forced to go there I go back to my browser bookmark and click again then I am where I want to be.

I guess Harlequin is after the teens and twenties and cares not for their more mature people. You must have great eye sight and like having sex with dead blood sucking murderers or are sexually frustrate and want to read laughable impossible sex scenes and lot of them to make you …….Well that is YOUR private business.

So I am only going to buy books by my two fav authors. Wont hurt any ones bottom line but I will not be supporting something I do not like.

The New Year is here and it will be an interesting one.

This year, in the states, we will first be picking our choice to run for president then in November our new president.

May the best woman win.

I hope your year is a good one.

Someone tagged me so I filled in the answers and I now tag you all.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Gift Bags - so much easier than wrapping paper and neater too.

2. Real or artificial tree?
Artificial - used to do real, but this is so much neater 

3. When do you put up the tree?
Usually around the first week in December, but this year any day now.

4. When do you take the tree down?
January 2nd usually

5. Do you like eggnog?
Yes

6. Favorite gift you received as a child?
A doll house

7 Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes

8. Hardest person to buy for?
My DIL

9. Easiest person to buy for?
Grandson

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received?
Can't remember one

11. Christmas cards?
Yep.

12. Favorite Christmas movie?
It’s a Wonderful Life

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
December 26

14. Have you ever 'recycled' a Christmas present?
Nope

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Home made Candy

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Multi-colored.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
Little Drummer Boy

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Depends

19. Can you name Santa's reindeer? 
Other than Rudolph and maybe one or two others - not really 

20. Do you have an Angel or a Star on the top of your tree?
Angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Both

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
Crowds and traffic

23. Shopping…….Mall or Online?
Mall

24. Do you decorate outside for Christmas or just inside (or at all)?
Just inside

25. Favorite Christmas cookie?
Iced cut outs

26. Do you own Christmassy clothing or jewelry?
Yes

27. Do you believe in Santa?
Don't we all???

Christmas is almost here. I will not be able to give like I always do. To me the giving was the best part.

It will also be the first Christmas without my husband. Not looking forward to that but still I will be glad to get that past.

I am trying to make the holidays different enough to make them bearable. Thanksgiving worked.

I am hoping that Christmas will work also.

I have gotten my first SS check. It has to last seven weeks. I will be getting it on the fourth Wed. of each month. It is large enough for me to make it fine.

I have all the paper work done and the lawyer is taking care of the estate. My husband did not leave a will. I am going to make one as soon as everything is settled. He said it will be January before that happens.

I am not crying as much.

There is still a big hole in my day. My husband needed a lot of care. I no longer have that to fill time.

I am trying not to become a sleeper and sleep away the days, I think that is unhealthy.

I am making it and things will work out. I have lived through enough to know this is so. Still I do have to live one day at a time.

Time. That will be the healer.

The Thanksgiving weekend is over. I made it OK . I think it is because I did not make the food I only made because Bob liked it.

Also drugged up on turkey I was sleepy.

Next up is Christmas. Not really looking forward to that. Again I am doing things a bit different. I am hoping that will work .

After that it will be easier I hope as more time will have passed.

Someone told me that having him die so close to the holidays was better as I would get them out of the way and not have them looming in the future. I hope they were right.

Tonight, Nov.14 2007 was calling hours for my husband. I was dreading it as it would be the first time I had saw him sense he died. It was not as bad as I thought it would be.

There were a lot of people there Family, our friends, the kid’s friends and in-laws.

It was tiring. I am not looking forward to the funeral tomorrow. Though it will be good to have it past...

At the end when it was just the kids and I the pastor said a prayer and I felt a warm arm around my shoulders. I felt this at the hospital also. So comforting. I do not know for sure what or who. It could be the collective hugs of my great friends the Gal Pals or God or something or some one else.

I just know I did not feel alone. I will continue this after the funeral tomorrow.

November 15 2007

It was harder today. I guess it was knowing it would be the last time I would see him. We all got through it. The graveside service was short as I requested. It was cold and windy.

The ladies of the church made a nice lunch.

Now is the time to get on with life. Get used to the idea he is gone. Go through the grieving process. I will make it. I have a great support base both in cyber land and in the real world.

The Gal Pals are in both.

My husband is at dialysis so it is my time to relax a bit.

A friend invited me to her granddaughters baby shower. I had to call and tell her no. She said you don’t have to buy anything just come and have some fun. I told her I don’t go anywhere for fun any more.

I go to the store and that is it. When I go with my cousin we eat lunch. That is nice but I hurry through it. I worry my husband will do something he shouldn’t and fall.

Not being able to drive is the pits. Depending on others to take me where I have to go is so frustrating.

Now he is wanting to go out. To go out is OK but the getting back in is hard. He has a leg that is paralyzed from the knee down, before he spent so much time in the hospital this time it was no problem. Now he can’t lift that leg high enough to get up the steps to the porch. There is only two. Someone has to lift that leg for him and he makes it harder by putting all his weight on it. He went out the other day and I was the only one here to get him back in. I am still hurting.

So he wants to go out Friday I hope not. We are going to put in a ramp not a proper one it will be steep as we can’t afford to do it right but he should be able to walk up it on his owe.(Keeping fingers crossed)

Well that is all for now. Keep your fingers crossed that we can get the ramp in before he wants to go Friday. It is doubtful but one can hope.

Q: Will the bugs be fixed on 360°?
A: No, we will no longer be fixing bugs related to 360°. We are putting all of our resources on building the new profile system.

Winters almost here. Not looking forward to it at all.

High home heating oil prices, snow and cold.

I did get a new coat but I am not looking forward to having to wearing it.

Well we can hope for a mild winter.